Whether you’re of the male or female segment and you’re not going to prom (or any other overmarketed school dance), you ought to get over yourself and enjoy life, as it’s probably a good thing that you’re not going. They’re overrated, anyway. The only reason schools have such social activities are, and in order of relevance:
1. It’s tradition.
2. To make extra money.
3. Hordes of angry, acne-spreading, puberty-stricken teenagers would go on a wild rampage throughout the city, killing the elderly and eating the young.
4. To keep the population growth up.
If you’re not going to a school dance, again I say: good for you, whether you’re a girl or a boy. Honestly, it’s not the end of the world, and it doesn’t mean you’re a loser. In the scheme of things, it honestly doesn’t matter. You’re in high school, for heaven’s sakes; though it may be magical to go on such activities and deal in the realms of pure attraction (more than in the physical sense), you’ve got decades ahead of you, and missing out on some measly high school dances isn’t going to hurt your chances. The trick is not to let it get to you. Have a shin-dig. Watch the Lord of the Rings. Play airsoft. There are so many better things you could be doing.
I’ve been to a few dances myself, and they can be… joyous. But if you don’t want to go, then don’t go. I’ll be the first to say that dances are downright weird and sickeningly filled to the brim with strange social expectations and foolish traditions. I’ll also be the first to say that dances can be enjoyable, but even still in an alien and skewed way.
Taking your date to a dance is also one of the most unnatural ways to get to know someone that I believe I can think of. Going to a dance is not how one would normally dress or act, and dances are simply socially awkward, not to mention you generally can’t even hear what your counterpart is saying to you. On the other hand, as unnatural as they are, they can be effective in breaking the ice and creating lasting relationships.
The fact of the matter is that dancing itself is one of the strangest acts humankind has ever designed, and as such should be treated with upmost disgression and sensitivity. Think about it a moment, won’t you? A group of mostly young, immature, nervous, sweating beings dressed to the nines in frilly, uncomfortable, and often immodest garb conglomerate inside of a dark, hot room where large black boxes create vibrations at volumes not healthy for any mammal’s ears with which said immature beings convulse and seize around the floor until they are exhausted and smellier than they were at the start. There is no denying it: dancing is an abhorrently terrifying act. I’m not even going to touch on what ways some of these young yokels convulse nor on what often happens after the dance. Of course, what we like to call “slow-dancing” is something I can somewhat wrap my head around. It’s still just as strange and almost as pointless, but it has a hidden grace and quality to it that I, at least, approve of.
One last disparagement I have with dances is the very word: dance. Say it out loud to yourself. The very word makes me cringe. It is quite possibly one of the ugliest words in the English language; by all means, change it.
By this point, if you’re of the female segment, you’re probably fuming and despising the very sinews that help comprise my guts. By all means, hate me. I must deserve it. If you don’t agree with the above, please at least read onward so as to understand the boy’s point of view for not asking you on a dance.
Every single stinking stupid boy’s-choice dance that comes about at WJHS, it never fails that several boys will be attacked by a dense cloud of women for not taking a girl to the dance. Why is this? Girls love to go to dances, I suppose, and what you love, you ought to wrok for, naturally. However, it is not the boy’s obligation to ask a girl to any dance. Any girl who becomes upset at a boy for not taking her to a dance who is not her boyfriend who did not promise to take her is what is commonly called “dramatic,” and I implore her to live ten more years so she will hopefully grow out of this immature state. Many males, and this is my reasoning as well, simply don’t want to go. As sinful as this sin is, I’m afraid it’s the truth. It’s got nothing to do with you– he simply doesn’t want to go. In fact, the only good reasons I really see in asking a girl to go to a school dance are:
A.) I have an attraction (that’s the point of dating, right? Because you are attracted to the person? That’s the way it was way back in the 19th and early 20th centuries, anyway, when we called it “courting” (that’s a much better word than this sticky “dating” term, don’t you think?)).
B.) I want to fit in because “everyone else is doing it.”
C.) I’m fooled into feeling it’s my obligation.
Girls, don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you if you didn’t get asked– it’s simply because any boy who would have asked you didn’t want to go to the dance with anyone, and the more you push the matter and the more you put him down because of it, the more annoyed he will become and the more he’ll never want to go to a dance again, so if you value school dances at all (take it from me– your life will be happier if you don’t), don’t bother him about it.
He may tell you he doesn’t have any money, and this may be true, but more often than not, he just doesn’t want to go, and this is an excuse. Please leave it at that, and stop telling him that he’s lame for not asking anyone; this dimminutizes his self-esteem, and he may become violent where he was once a kind and gentle gentleman.
The boy may also be nervous; a dance is a stressful thing, and if he’s attracted to you, he’s afraid of you, and he may not want to cope with more trouble than it’s worth.
Again I say unto the womenfolk: it is not the boy’s obligation to ask you to go on a dance. If he’s made promises to you previously or if he’s your boyfriend, please be angry with him for not asking as he is a low-down piece of garbage, but in most instances he has no obligation to you or anyone else. Being bitter or angry is simply a waste of time, and it will only bring smeared mascara.
I hear from select womenfolk that dances are very important to girls, and especially prom. This is not a bad thing, though I think it’s a mistake to teach children that if they don’t go, they are essentially a failure. Of course, it is more society than parents that teaches what is socially good and socially bad; society comes up with the stupidest notions. Dances are only social gatherings and shouldn’t have to be as special as they’re made out to be unless they are attended with a very special person.
If you’re going to prom, then more power to you. Enjoy your evening as you deserve it, but remember who you are and that boys by nature are selfish, stupid, sensual jerks. Very few ever overcome the stereotype enough to be likable; I personally hate males and prefer first, solitude, and second, female company– I really hate to be in the company of most males.
EDIT: This will actually be published in WJHS’ newspaper, but edited to be better. I like the edited version better as I’m understood a lot better in that version. If you’re a girl, then you probably hate me now, and that’s good. For my redemption, first read some of the comments below, and then read this.
Oh, dear. Not everyone despises dancing or dances like you. For the girls who don’t get asked to Prom, they don’t get a chance to find out if they like it or not. Do you know how sad it is to see girls who really want to go to Prom but aren’t asked? Have you seen their eyes when they say they’re not going? I think it’s extremely selfish for a guy to not ask someone just because they don’t want to go when they KNOW a girl who isn’t going. A girl can’t go to Prom alone, and they’d feel stupid if they say, “Oh, I haven’t been asked yet. Will you take me?” Girls like to dress up and feel pretty and wanted. It doesn’t happen very often throughout life. Not being asked is a huge blow.
This is pointless to try and make you see the girl’s side of it. Guys just don’t really understand girls.
I knew I was going to get some angry comments. :)
I understand the girl’s point of view– I really think I do, at least somewhat. They want to be asked, feel pretty, feel special, etcetera. This is all good, and I don’t blame them. It’s natural. I still maintain that boys are subject to their points of view, too– don’t rule mine out just because I’m of the male segment, and males are generally idiots. I find nothing selfish in not asking a girl to a dance because I don’t want to go; if I don’t want to go, it’s my own business, and I shouldn’t be blamed because there are girls who wanted to go and I didn’t happen to take one of them. If I had consciously gotten a girl’s hopes up, then I deserve a severe tongue lashing. However, I made it clear that I had no intentions of going to prom with anyone because I didn’t want to go and because I’m low on money and have better things to spend it on (such as sticking it all in my mission fund).
Anyway, I see the girl’s point of view, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to go to a dance or enjoying it– as I said, I’ve been to a few in my time, and they were pretty enjoyable, and I was happy to give a girl a good time. However, I intended to get my point of view out there as it is just as credible and important as any girl’s point of view. I also tried to tear down the idea established by society that a girl is a loser if she’s not asked to a dance (or something similar to that) because that’s ridiculously untrue. She’s just as wonderful, beautiful, special, perfect, and amazing as any girl who was asked.
In retrospect of reading your comment once more, I agree that girls don’t get to feel special and wanted as much as they should in life, and that’s the male segment’s fault. There’s no denying it whether it’s in high school, in a serious relationship, or in marriage.
Well….Where to start?…Girls do enjoy dancing much more than guys. But that doesn’t let them off the hook. Guys should be willing to SACRIFICE for the opposite gender. If they learn to do this while young, their married life will be so much easier. Women are (and if they’re not–shame on you–Slackers) the most important thing in the world. So Naturally it makes sense that the men should feel obligated to take the women to the dances.
Me, personally, you wouldn’t believe what I’ve sacrificed for women, and I agree that they are about the most important things (things, for lack of a better word) in the world. However, at this time of our lives, girls don’t need to be concentrated on quite as much as when we’re older and more mature. I don’t see anything wrong with concentrating on them to a certain high point, and I see nothing wrong with a happy, mature, good, and chaste type of relationship between a boy and a girl around this age (if they’re mature enough to handle it), but there’s still nothing wrong with not being interested at all at this point in life (not that I, personally, am not interested at all– I just know of a few boys who aren’t ready and who know that they’re not ready).
On the other hand, I’ll still maintain that high school boys shouldn’t have to feel any obligation to take any girl to any dance as long as he has not consciously given her reason to believe he was going to ask her. It’s his choice, and if he’s a real man, he won’t let society’s quirks and traditions decide what he’s going to do with himself. Also, if he’s a real man and he wants to go, he’ll take a girl. It’s all a matter of choice, not a matter of obligation. You want to be asked to a dance because the boy wants to ask you, right? Not because he feels he is forced or obligated to, right?
Jordan,
Great article. I am a senior in high school and this is exactly how I feel. I have absolutely no interest in going to my prom. All it would do to me is make me uncomfortable and worried. I hate dancing, dressing up, and everything else. I enjoy the company of my peers but I’m much more comfortable in a more relaxed setting. There are girls I’d like to ask, but the thought of even going at all just makes me uncomfortable, plus I don’t have the nerve to ask them and they probably already have dates – I hate having that feeling that I HAVE to go. I’m preparing for the peer pressure that’s going to come in the coming weeks… “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR NOT GOING TO YOUR SENIOR PROM?!” I had a legit excuse not to go to last year’s but this year I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just don’t see myself having a good time if I were to attend.
Good to know the article is well-liked! I recently published a version of it in the school newspaper, and I actually found several people (girls, no less) who enjoyed it as well.
A suggestion: If anyone questions you, just tell them that you didn’t want to go and so you didn’t go. If they continue to pester you, don’t let it get to you. Just ignore it. Their opinions don’t matter in this particular case. A quote I recently found:
“The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.”
–Jules Renard
I know it’s hard to let go of feeling bad for saying no when you know other people are going to be upset about it, but they shouldn’t have any control over your life. You are your own person and therefore can make decisions by yourself. Don’t let society control you by making you feel rotten for not going to something as inconcequential as a dance.
Good luck!
That’s a good point. A lot of girls feel like crap if they don’t get asked to go to a dance. It’s not like it’s required or something. You’re not going to fail high school if you never go to one. It’s not like the world is going to end. Plus, girls, if you want to go so bad, what’s the shame in asking the guy? It’s not like it’s always the guy’s job. I ask guys to dance at region dances all the time. If you beat yourself up just because you didn’t get asked, what good is it? Do you really think anything’s going to happen because of it? You’re going to wind up hating yourself and thinking you have problems when really, guys are most always too chicken to ask a girl because they’re afraid of rejection. So girls, woman up and ask the guys if you really want to go that bad.
I never understood America’s obsession with “prom”.
It’s so much different here in The Netherlands. Everyone here just goes to school dances and parties, there’s no “asking to go” and more of that bogus. You just… Go. Or not. Who cares?
And everybody has fun. Like dancing? Go ahead. Don’t like it? Fine by us, just have fun without dancing!
Of course, our entire school culture is so completely and utterly different compared to the US’. I’ve seen both, and I must say, I was horrified by the pathologically insane obsession with concepts like “popularity” and “looks”.
I ain’t no Brad Pitt myself, but why would any of my friends or classmates care? I happen to have been blessed with an abundance of female close friends all my life, almost all of them ridiculously pretty and attractive (for some weird reason). In the US system and culture, there’s no chance in, uhm, whatever (this is a different world regarding certain words ;) ) that I’d be in a similar position as I am in now.
I just don’t get the US school culture. It saddens me to see just how many people seem to go to US schools only to suffer. School should be the best time of your life, and I can say that both high school and university have been the happiest times of my life.
so……. I didn’t know acne was some sort of spreadable disease. I know that’s off topic but thats what I noticed. So if it is contagious why don’t they quarantine all the teenagers?
Well, that’s my thought
I know you wrote this awhile ago, but this is my first visit to this site and I must comment.
Jordan Spencer! I am appalled; you are looking at only the dancing and dances of today. Dancing began as a more beautfiful and wonderful act than what you are describing. I wholeheartedly agree with you on many points, school dances in particular. First, let me point out that for the female of our species, it is not about the dancing so much as the following things.
1. Simply being asked. It is a boost to a girls self esteem, no matter how trivial and stupid the dance may be, someone thought of her enough to ask. (Especially if it isn’t a boyfriend therefore not “obligated” to ask her)
2. Most girls want to dress up and feel like a princess, of sorts, for a night. In this day and age we don’t get a chance, and most of the time don’t want, to dress up. This is our chance to wear something beautiful, and hopefully classy, that we otherwise would never wear.
3. We love to have our pictures taken ;) particularly if we are wearing said dresses
That said, think of the dances of bygone eras. They were graceful and poised. They took thought and often you could have a conversation while dancing. The halls and ballrooms were brightly lit and often captivatingly beautiful. The music, classic in every sense of the word, was elegant, beauftiful and often subtle. Do not, my young friend, judge dancing upon the jirating done upon the floors of school dances. Think of the many forms of dance that show expression and beauty.
School dances, like school itself, can be cruel events that simply torture many souls needlessly. It is sometimes the very things we actually like about the dances that torture us. (Okay, not me I went to one school dance and stayed long enough to get pictures taken and then we left and had a blast, but that is another story.)
So there is my rebuttel to your argument, though you have some valid points. Dancing is not the devil, it is the people, as always, that make it what it is.
Grrrrrrr…. I wrote that in a moment of extreme excitement, of sorts, and paid no attention to grammar or spelling and then forgot to recheck, so forgive my horrendous use of the English language ;)
Exactly!
It’s not that I hate dancing in general– I never was the best at it, and I don’t especially loveit– but today’s sad excuses for “dances” are just phenomenally distressing. I would that I could see dances as they used to be– before Hollywood and singers and teenagers got a hold of them and twisted them into such disturbing, dark, and dangerous events. Also before rap became the common and “desired” thing. This world would be a much better place without such and similar music.
Let me also rehash: a girl deserves to feel special as you describe. I only argue that girls shouldn’t feel like garbage if they’re not invited to a dance. It isn’t their fault; it’s the ridiculous boys’ or the boys who are uncomfortable to an understandable degree, or who have no desire (again, if I were a girl, I wouldn’t want to be asked by a boy who truly had no desire to ask anybody but still felt obligated to– that would just end up unhappy). Society over the years has built up dances into things that, if a person doesn’t go to one (especially prom), this person is worthless, shunned, even. This is completely untrue, of course.
I should have mentioned dances as they used to be. I wish that I could see a dancing hall sort of like the one in Beauty and the Beast (Disney’s cartoon), if not as grand, and have music that’s uplifting and, if appropriate, romantic. Even if a good song is played at a school dance, one still can’t hear his or her date enough to hold a proper conversation.
I still uphold that the word “dance” ought to be changed, especially the way Americans say it. “Dancing…” spare me.
:)